Love me if you can
by NouvelGreys
Summary: The love of her life is gone. She just wants to be happy but it's hard to handle again the feelings she has buried. And i'll be even harder when she'll realize she isn't insensible to someone...Will she be able to turn the page and love again ? (slow burn)
1. Chapter 1

All was dark, twisty, sad and empty in the room.

Like in Meredith Grey's head. She was laying on her bed, tv turned ON, and tequila next to her. Amelia was at Owen's place, Maggie at the hospital and Alex…

…well, probably somewhere with a girl, flirting and doing it like the horny teenager he had become since the break with Jo. She usually don't like his girlfriends, but with Jo he was happy and now, he was back 6 years ago, like her, a debauched person who was in the worse period of his life, doing some dirty things, drinking a lot, who was being almost insociable etc…

And Mer doesn't like when his best friend is sad….

A lot of thing went through her mind. She wanted to fix all the problems around her, her friends's problems, but she had her owns. How to solve problems of someone else when it was impossible to fix hers. She had lost the love of her life in a car accident. One year ago and her sentimental and sexual life was dead, just like him. Sometimes, she had the impression to be again a virgin, a young girl without any experience, who was afraid of what the men can bring to her. And the first problem in her life, was THAT man. The new cardio surgeon, handsome guy, funny, strong, beautiful and terribly…..sexy.

He asked her to go out, she refused. Not because she was on Owen's side, but just because she wasn't ready to date someone else. She saw in in eyes he wanted more than a drink, he was interested in her like she was in him. And it was almost painful, cause she didn't want to melt for him, she was strongly resisting. But the view of him walking through the corridors, washing his hands post surgery, putting on his cap, completing the files…. Too hard to handle. She was watching him, studying all the gestures he was doing, all his habitudes…. And she was ashamed of it, why was she acting like that ?

Maybe because she wanted to turn the page, but couldn't. Alex has told her that one day, she'll be ready, without pushing too hard the destiny. It has been a long year, her body was ready, her mind almost. She wanted to have a life again. Watching her sisters being happy was hard, even if she loved them more than anything. Actually, she was a full time surgeon and mom of three young kids. No place for a man in her life. That's was she thought, until her first meet with Nathan Riggs.

« Are you dead ? Mer! Please, answers! » a knock at the door, followed by a loud voice stopped her in her thought. « I know you're here, i saw your car outside. »

It was a male voice. She acknowledged it, but stayed immobile. Not laziness, just no motivation. Her bed was terribly comfy and she was a bit drunk, not able to move her body to walk and open the door. But thanks god (or not) he opened it alone and entered, walking and falling on the bed like an elephant.

« I saw elephants sit down slower. » growling. « what are you doing here ? i thought you were in the bar, flirting with a girl you would bring and fuck on my couch like the other day ? » She was totally sarcastic.

The other day, Alex was very drunk, spent almost all the night at Joe's, and came home with a blonde. The next morning, while Mer and Maggie were picking down the kids for breakfast, they saw Alex's ass above the blonde's one.

« Boring. I don't want to fuck more girls. For now. » she heard at his voice he was a bit drunk. She had stopped looking the ceiling, and tried to move him with her feet.

« You have a room in my house, get out, i need my bed. » she said, bored.

« Why ? it's almost 3 am, and i know you'll not sleep anymore… » rectifying himself. " I'm drunk but i can see you haven't sleep for few days because you're anxious, nervous and sad about something you won't tell anyone. So tell me, what's happening ? »

He raised head and eyes on her, seeing she wasn't happy anymore. She had some moments like this. Sometimes she was very happy (a different kind of happiness that for the others ones), and sometimes she was sad, dark, twisty and mad with everyone. He saw how the people at work were watching her. And he heard some of thing they have said on her, not pretty things.

« It's about the guy ? The new guy who work with Pierce ? » still watching her in the eyes, knowing something was perturbing his friend.

And as a guy, (and a guy friend with 3 ladies) he saw how Meredith was watching him. And how he was watching her. There was kind of alchemy, something strong like with Derek at the the beginning, when they were interns.

« No. Sleep now, and tomorrow i want you to be fresh and ready for work at 7 am. »

She didn't want to talk. Not to a therapist, not with Richard. Sometimes with Alex but today, no. Then, Mer put the bottle on the floor, turned on her right side like a foetus and closed her eyes, ignoring Alex's grunts and hoping to find sleep for few hours….

oOo

« Grey! How are you doing ? long night ? you seems tired. » he said to her with a big smile. She raised eyes to sky, trying to being zen and insensible to his charms. She was tucking the strands of her blonde hair behind her hear, praying the elevator to come faster.

« Fine. So do you. » pointing with a movement of head the dark circles under his eyes.

« I've an excuse, i was thinking about you. A lot. » he replied with sexy accent that always has makes Meredith's heart melt like an ice cream under the sun.

« Stop it. We're in a hospital full of sick people, we're surgeons and colleagues, we don't have time for that. »

« For what ? » he replied with a fake innocent smile, happy the elevator was slow to arrive.

She gave him a black look. « You know what. We're colleagues, we don't do that. »

Nathan smiled, and came forward, to be very close of her, speaking softly... He wanted her to hear but not the others. And being so close to her was kind of exciting, his heart was bumping so fast in his chest that he think for a moment he was having a heart attack.

« Tell me exactly what do you mean by « that » and i'll stop….stop being evasive Grey, i want you to be honest about what you're feeling.

Because i share with you the same trouble. »

 _Ding._

He was cut by the elevator. Meredith escaped from his hold and entered into the elevator with her sleeping patient.

She turned herself in front of the door, watching him with a mysterious and troubled face. She was gaining time. She needed it. Because it was hard to know what she really wanted, what she really needed.

« One day you'll know everything Riggs….. »

oOo

 _English isn't my native language, I'm doing my best but if there's any mistakes, tell me!_


	2. Chapter 2

In the OR, she was a queen. She knew exactly was she was doing, without any hésitations, without any doubts. Everything was under control. And she expected to be the same in her private life but….it wasn't possible. She was washing her hands off, after a 5h hours surgery, putting down her mask in the bin, and removing her cap to let her blonde hair free. She was tired.

Mentally and physically. Because she had not slept an entire night since a while, because doubting and thinking h24 was exhausting. She left the or, gave her intern the tablet and the files, telling him to complete all before 6pm. She walked through the corridors, searching for Alex but he wasn't there, so she concluded he was in the OR. Meredith finally went to an on-call-room and closed the door. Sat down on the bed, she closed her eyes and massaged her temples.

What do you expect in life now…..fool girl » she asked herself, hands on her knees, brain in fire.

« Stop asking yourself too much questions. Live and be happy. » a feminine voice made her jump. She raised her head and saw Amélia above her, laying on the bed, with a smirk on her face. The neuro surgeon had become her friend, even if in the beginning the cohabitation between them two was hard. The sister and the widow…all was complicated and thanks to Maggie, things got fixed.

« What are you doing ? » mer replied, a hand on her chest. « i thought you were with Owen, isn't he off today ? »

« He is. In theory. » she said to her with a laugh. « You know him, he can be off but when a trauma come to the urgencies, he's the first on the place.

So when they called him, he literally jumped out the bed to come and…..here i am! » she said with a smile, apparently happy to work. « so! tell me….what are you thinking about . you're thinking too loud, i can hear you from here! »

Oh yes i see….. » murmuring to herself. Meredith raised a brow, giving a fake smile to Amélia and shaking her head.

« oh nothing, i just wanted to rest a bit and you know, after a surgery you're tired, so you don't know what you're saying… »

Amelia jumped of the bed, and watched her half-sister with hands on her hips. She knew almost everything, like Maggie but had never asked. Until today. Because, like Alex, and everyone around Meredith, she was seeing how bad she was, how unhappy and tired she was. And Amelia knew that Derek wanted her to be happy.

« HEY! Stop saying you're fine. Tell me what happens. Is this the guy ? you're in trouble because of him ? »

Mer rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth to say something, but her friend cut her with a movement of hand. The same she used to do with the kids when they were yelling in the house.

« Come on, i know exactly what happens. Everyone saw how you're watching him, and how he's watching you.

There's something between you two. And you know that. But you don't want to accept the fact there can be another man in your life, so you're asking yourself too much questions. But it's not a good idea, trust me, i'm the queen of those dilemmas.

"why does everyone knows about it ? There's nothing to say, he's handsome but that's all. I don't want him to…be my new man. » she said with an hesitating voice.

« and he can be flirting, it doesn't mean he really wants something serious with me. And i don't know if i'm ready. »

Amelia looked up the ceiling, like if she wanted to kill mer, like if she was praying god to help her to open mer's eyes. She was worse than Addison. And god knew that Addison was hard to convince when something was in her head…

« You're questioning too much, of course you're ready. "A year passed, let you heart decide and go girl. You can't stay anymore in your house, with tequila, all nights!

If you don't go to talk to him, i'll and trust me, you don't want me to do it, right ? » she said with a smirk.

Meredith bit her bottom lip and watched her half-sister, with a raised brow. It was kind of different speaking to Amelia. Not the same that with Alex. She couldn't say something because the brune left the room, letting her alone with all she said. Mer decided not to stay, and left too. Hands in the pocket of her surgeon's blouse, she took the direction of the elevator and when the doors got opened, her face froze…. He was in, alone. When he saw her, a smile came on his face.

« hey » he said, watching her in the eyes.

« h-hey » she replied, going in after a few seconds of hesitations. She went in the back of the elevator, head down, and lip bitted.

An alarm made her raise the head, brows raised . The « stop button » has been switched and the man was watching her, with a devil smile on the face. He was close, immobile and super hot that her heart started to melt, again….She was watching him, trying to resist, trying not to think about how sexy and handsome he was.

« Why….why are you doing this…. » she said in a murmur, making a step forward him. Her chest was almost bonded to his, and she could feels his breath.

He was smelling the good perfume, viril and fresh perfume….

« i want you to realize. Why are you so close ? » he was watching her with fascination, looking her blonde hair, her beautiful blue eyes and her skin, so pâle….she looked tired.

Nathan felt his member growing into his pants, and it was kind of uncomfortable. He wanted her, he wanted to take her like a savage, he wanted her to realize there was something between them two.

« I don't know….. » she replied, with a low voice. « but whatever happens here, this never happened outside, gotta ? »

She said, without letting him acquiesce. She kissed him, with passion and fervor. His mouth was hot, and quickly, they played with each other's tongues. His hand went under her surgeon's teeshirt to find her bra. Her body was so hot, he could feel it. Nathan unclasped her bra and started massaging his sensitives nipples, playing with them as she unzipped his pants. She only released his huge cock from his pants and interrupted the kiss.

« You're huge…. » she said with a little smile, starting to stroke him, and playing with the tip.

He gave her a big smile, one of his hand on her cheek. « Can't complain about that… » he replied, still massaging her nipples. He found her clit, introducing a hand in her pant and started to massage it too, slowly and sensually….

« Please don't stop… » she almost begged, her hand going through Nathan beautiful hair.

She was close, she knew it. And he probably knew it too, because his fingers started to go faster on her clit. They absolutely didn't care about the fact someone could caught them. They were in a kind of sexual attirance and mood and nobody could break it. That what they were thinking while fucking like savages.

« I like you begging. Beg me again Meredith. » he said with a sensual voix, low and quiet. «god you taste so good…. »

« I need you to fuck me right now! » she begged, her breath almost suffocating, eyes still closed and hand on his huge cock. They had to hurry.

Nathan looked her, and saw she was ready. She was totally wet, hot and beautiful. He was living in Seattle for few months, and Meredith has been the only woman he was interested by. She was kind of strange sometimes, not like the others girls he've met in his life. She have a strong mind…he learned what happened to her husband and never he could imagine all she went through. Because her attitude was….normal, like nothing happened.

« You really need ? hummmm let me see…. » He was pushing the jeans down further, taking her underwear with them, his lips finding her neck, her shoulder, and then her breast.

« Please! » She demanded, swaying on her feet as he impatiently kicked off completely his pants and boxers and pulled her back into his arms, lifting her, letting her feel him pressed against the whole length of her body, skin to skin, warm and firm and full of intent.

Nathan didn't waste time anymore and thrust into her in one swift motion. He felt the same, she thought, through the swirl of sensation and desire as he started to move inside her, deep and hard. He felt exactly the same, and he felt so good, so incredibly good…

« Oh yes.!…yes like this… » She moaned, and he kissed her hard in reply.

Being inside Meredith was better than he imagined it, and she was making those cute whimpering sounds, and she was so hot and slick and completely perfect, and he knew he was going to last no time at all, because it felt like he'd been waiting forever for this.

« Nathan…i need to cum…Please… »

« Not yet! » he replied with a groan, trying to keep the head fresh. But it was hard, really hard…2 minutes after, after she begged again, moaning, he agreed. « Cum for me Meredith…. »

He pushed his cock in and out with a very fast pace. He felt her arch and heard her throaty cry as she squeezed tight around him and then he let go and almost saw stars as he exploded inside her. She let a last moan escaping from her open mouth, and hardly opened the eyes, watching him and realizing what they did…and where.

« I….. »

« You're welcome, it has been a real pleasure.. » he said with a tiny smirk on his face. She looked down and saw their juices flowing on her legs.

« Humm… i guess you doesn't have any klee…? » she said but couldn't finish. He gave her one kleenex and better he fall on his knees to wipe all the white substances. Before being back stand up, he put a little kiss on her pussy, then dressed again, always with this little smirk on his face.

« See you later Nathan. » she said before leaving quickly, when the door opened.

She had ran away from him, needing some fresh water to clarify all happened. She was totally lost…why did she had to fuck with him ? Meredith finally found refuge in the ladies bathrooms of the 3th étage, entered in a cabin and sat down, just to think. Or at least trying to.

« What is wrong with you ?» she murmured, with the strong desire of slapping herself.

« and now… let's see what happens next…? »

She was cut in her own reflexion when her phone rang. The name of Alex was on the screen and for 2 seconds, Meredith asked herself if she had to answers. She did it, trying to have a quiet and soft voice.

« Yes ? »

« You did it right ?! » he said with a laugh, couldn't contain it.


	3. Chapter 3

She couldn't say a word, did he knew ? It just happened, how it was possible ? Meredith kept silence for few seconds before talking, trying to stay normal and not nervous.

« What do you mean ? I don't get it. » she said, quiet and easy.

« C'mon Mer, i know you know what i'm talking about. You did it, yes or no ? I can bet on Zola's head that you did it. I can hear it from your voice. » he said, with a laugh. Again.

« my voice ? my voice is the same as usual, you can't hear something in. Well…i'm busy, tell me what do i did ? » she asked. She almost could see the smirk on his face.

He sighed. « Did you finally talked to him ? » he asked. When she has heard what he said Meredith closed her eyes, thanking god for not letting him know right now. She nodded, even he couldn't see her through the phone.

« yes i did it, how do you know that ? Were you here ? » she asked, watching around her, just to check if he was close to her, hided behind a door or something like this. But he wasn't. She continued walking in the hospital, trying to avoid contact with people.

« Amelia. » he finally said, like if this name was the full explication. « I saw her and she told me about your discussion, and i guessed you'd find the right way to finally talk to him. Because these past few day, you've been too much nervous and sad, so i hoped so much you would, at least, do it for your mental sake. Or physically maybe, because if you continue like this you'll become a old lady before Zola celebrates her 10 years old.

« Shut up, i'm fine. And this is my business ok ? » she said, a bit angrily, tired that everyone around her was involving themselves in her life. She cut the call just after he said something like « you have to open your eyes mer….! » and continued walking, deciding to go in the emergencies.

And when she entered in the place, maggie almost jumped on her, a big smile on her kid face, like if she have seen santa claus for the first time. She didn't let Mer talking, grabbed her arm to bring her near a bed, where was laying a woman. And the woman had the same smile as Maggie, so Meredith concluded it was her mom.

« Hey beautiful, are you Meredith ? Oh yes you're! » she says, watching the blonde hair of the surgeon in front of her, still smiling. She detailed all of her body, like if she was checking if Maggie told her was right. And it was true. « Of course you're, exactly like Maggie described you. A beautiful lady. » she continued, with a warm voice.

« Hi Mrs Piece, i'm glad to meet you. Docteur Meredith Grey. » she said, smiling. Not the real smile like when she was happy. The polite smile she used to do with her patients. The same she used to do after Derek's death. A smile that can hide her interior sadness.

« Oh yes i know who you are. Maggie is always talking about you and Amelie, i'm glad to know my precious daughter finally have sisters! » she said, with enthusiasm, smiling to her adoptive daughter.

« Mom, stop being embarrassing for Meredith. » Maggie said, blushing a bit. « And it's not Amelie, but Amelia. »

Diane was on her way to replied but Meredith has stopped her, with this little fake smile. « no it's okay Maggie, i'm happy to meet your mom. » she said. « But tell me, what happened ? » she asked, watching Diane's leg, that seemed to be broken. Diane laughed - loudly - and explained that she has fallen in the stairs of the plane she took to come visit Maggie. And after a quick trip in the ambulance, she got here and found her daughter, and then asked her to meet her sisters.

« Nothing really important, i'm gonna be very fine ! » she said, positively. Then, she watched her daughter to have her confirmation. « I'll ? »

Maggie nodded and told Mer they were waiting for the doctor to come. Meredith nodded her head and watched then her phone, almost 1pm.

« It was a pleasure mrs Pierce, but i have work so see you, soon ? » she said, saying goodbye to her sister's mother, walking away. « have a good recovery. »

« I see you soon beautiful, take care of yourself. » she replied, with a smile. Then, the old woman turned the head to look her daughter in the eyes. She knew too and she had seen Meredith for only 10 minutes.

« She isn't happy right ? » she asked, quiet and sadly. « I saw all the pain in her eyes, even her smile was sad….she broke a bit my heart. Honey, do you know if she can be fixed ? » she said with compassion, holding Maggie's hand, very strong.

« She is not. She try to be. » Maggie nodded sadly, not surprised that her mom understood it. She shrugged shoulders, watching the corridor where Meredith had left, hoping time could fix the broken heart of her sister, even if for this, she had to let her own feelings on a side….

oOo

She was in her thoughts. And at the corner of a corridor, he collided her. He was holding files and they fall on the floor. "What the…. » she said, raising her hand and froze when his blues eyes met hers. Warm blue, comforting and beautiful….

« Wow…slow down Grey. » he said, this same little smirk on his face. He stooped to pick up his files, then stood up. « Lost in your thoughts ? I know this feeling. You're in another world, thinking about life when she was kind and suddenly, you realize this life is gone. » he said, kind of serious.

« I wasn't. I have a surgery, have to go. » she said, avoiding any conversations, because it was kind of awkward. Awkward after what happened in that damn elevator. But he blocked her the passage and she had been forced to look at him in the eyes. « what do you want ? »

« I want you. You want me, come on Grey. » he said, super serious. « I know you know it, but there's something special between us two, you can't deny that. » He didn't want to force her, but all was complicated with Meredith Grey. He put slowly his free hand on her cheek, as she blushed. But she didn't retreat.

« We can't do that….here. » she finally spoke, quite hesitating.

« Are you asking me out…? » he replied, trying to find the hidden meaning of the sentence, of the word « here » she said.

She looked up at him, and after a few seconds of hesitations, she nodded. « maybe. What do you think about ? Tonight, 9pm, after work ? »

Meredith surprised herself. She was asking him out for a date, without knowing what she was doing at all. She was just, « living »like Amelia had told her to. And it was kind of different, but not that bad, she had to admit it. But inside of her body, she could feel the stress, the nauseous feel, the scared feel….she didn't have any idea how to flirt. The last time she had played to this game, it's was a very long time ago….

« I think it's a good idea. » he replied with a tiny smile, very hot and pretty.

She bit her lip, trying to stay calm, even if she wanted to run away from him, and hide under the ground. He watched her and saw the way she was bitting her lips, finding it sexy and desirable. She was the woman he wanted to fight for, he wanted to be protective for….he wanted to be with. Nathan cleared his throat and smiled again to her, even if she wasn't smiling to him. He had learned to be patient and not to expect a real smile from her. She needed time and he was ready to give it to her.

« So i see you tonight at 9 ? A bar, your place, my place ? » he asked, while going to the elevator.

She was stand, in the corridor for few second, then followed him, with the intention to go to the OR corridor and prepare herself for the colectomy. « oh yes, hummm, your place. I have kids in mine. » she replied with a low voice. She had noted in her had that she has to ask Amelia, Maggie or Alex if they could go for them at school, bring them at home etc…. It was a family affair so in theory, everything was under control.

« Good. See you then Grey… » he said, while the door opened. He entered and for a minute she wanted to follow him, but couldn't.

She had stayed outside, saying she had another stuff to check before going up there. It was fake, he knew it. But it was fine.

« See you…. » she replied when the doors got closed. She finally left and took the direction of the stairs, while thinking about that date they were ready to live...together.

oOo

thanks you for your lovelies comments!

reviews makes me happy


	4. Chapter 4

« Where are you going, dressed like this ? »

Meredith made a leap and turned to see Amelia, in the frame of the door, watching her with a little smirk on her face. And she looked pretty amused, like if she was imagining all what was on the way to happens. But she had a reason. Her sister was dressed so simply and classy, with a long cigaret pant, a sky blue top and high heels. She looked beautiful.

« Because you look pretty, and i'm sure you're not going to the hospital dressed like this. Am i right ? » she asked, without waiting a real answer. « of course you're not. You have a date ? » she said, smiling like a crazy. « Do i know him ? Oh my god, is that him ? He asked you out ? wow…. congratulations girl! » she almost yelled.

« I haven't said a word…? » mer replied, putting on silver earrings. Then, she had given a better appearance to her hair and watched herself in the big mirror, to check if everything was good. Yes, she looked fine.

« I know you have a date with him. You can't have a date with someone else, Maggie is with her mom at the hospital, Alex is driving back home with the kids and pizzas and you don't have any crush. Except for that handsome cardio guy. » she said, naturally and with a victorious smile. « So, as my mom said when i was a teen, don't forget the condoms! »

« Amelia! Shut up! » mer replied, quite irritated, looking up at her sister. Sometimes, she was a very good person to listen and talk about life, not the same as Cristina but quite good. But sometimes, she was also so boring, and Meredith was still learning how to handle her sister personality.

« I'm just being a good sister. Or at least i try to be. » she said, like an apology, capitulating. « So i guess you won't come home tonight and i'll see you tomorrow morning at the hospital ? » she asked, entered in the bathroom, still watching the beautiful outfit of Meredith.

Shrugging her shoulders, she answering, quite hesitating. « Don't know…maybe. I'll keep you in touch. You or Alex, i guess that Maggie will be very busy if her mom is here. » she murmured, watching herself again and again. She wanted everything to be perfect and the appearance was the first point. She couldn't appear to Nathan's place if she wasn't sure everything was fine on her. Amelia nodded and left as fast as she had came in, probably going to the kitchen to eat something before the pizza, always craving for food.

oOo

At 8h30 pm, she had left her house, with a bottle of tequila in her bag, and goes to Nathan's place. He was living very close to the hospital, and the district seemed to be very quiet, and nice. She had parked off her car and was searching the number. Few minutes after, she was on the 11th floor of the penthouse, ringing at the door.

« Everything is gonna be good, don't panic, he will not eat you, stay zen… » she said to herself, while feeling this horrible feel of stress. Like if it was her very first date.

He opened the door, a big smile on his face, inviting her to enter. The appartement looked so...military. All clean, with no dust, all tidy and comfy. She was a bit of intimidated and he saw it.

« Don't be shy Grey, i know you are not. » he said with a laugh, proposing to take off her trench coat. She gave it to him, with the bag. But before, she gave him the bottle, a little smile on the face. « i thought we could use to drink a bit….? »

He looked amused, and took the bottle of her hands to put it on the counter. After a quick conversation with Maggie, he had learned that Meredith had a kind of love for tequila, that's why he hadn't been surprised when he had saw the bottle between her hands. By the way, beautiful hands, skilled, slender…..

« Oh yes i see. You want me to be drunk, so everything would be easier and tomorrow, nobody of us two would remember that night ? Good plan Grey but i'm not working like this. » he said with (again) a devil smirk on his face, raising a brow, going to the couch and sit. He then, invited her to join him and she accepted. It was quite awkward, cause no one of them was really talking, both wondering in silence what they had to say to the other..

« Are you dreaming of her sometimes ? » she finally said, remembering the photo she had saw in a corner of a furniture, in the hallway.

He turned the head, opened a little bit his mouth, like if he was wondering how to answers that question. « Yes but it's very rare, i'm trying to turn the page. Because i can't continue to live in the past with her ghost, she wanted me to be happy, i guess, so i should be. And i'm alive, it would be very regrettable not to enjoy life, don't you think ? »

Her throat was quite of blocked, and the words has trouble getting out. She knew, inside of her that he was right. And he knew that fucking feeling, so she couldn't answer *you don't know what you're talking about…* She nodded after few seconds of hesitation and looked up at him, truly sincere. « i think God is a bastard. We should be able to turn the page but…it's not that easy, even if you have all the power and the volition of the world. »

Oh Derek….how much she missed him. She could cry for him, again, for hours, the night when she was alone, watching and feeling the empty place on the other side of the bed…where he should be. If he wasn't dead. But he was gone and she had to accept it. It was hard, and even harder because she discovered her heart was melting for someone else…. It was hard because she had the sensation to cheat on Derek, to cheat on their wedding vows, to cheat on the man she probably would love until the day of her death. She wasn't cheating, she was just enjoying life as much as she can. Or at least was trying to enjoy, because she was scared of letting him go..

«The strength of the will » he finally said, with a low voice.

He had saw all the pain that her body was feeling, all the sadness she was holding on her shoulders. She was sad and nobody could do something to help her. He wanted to be the guy who could do something to fix her broken heart, not completely but a bit. Something that could made her smile, for real, like the smile she have made in front of that board the first day he have saw her. She was laughing at something Maggie and Alex have said. So Nathan wanted to see again this same smile on her face, and not a fake smile.

He came closer to her, and she accepted it. They wanted each other, even if Meredith wanted to keep few limits between them two. It was hard, cause her body was attracted by him. Her mental too, but she had refused to admit it. Without knowing why, she moved to be on his lap, as his hand came under her top, to unclasp her bra. He kissed her, and she replied. She thrusted her tongue inside of his mouth and he started to play with, his hands moving to finish on her nipples, massaging them.

« You're so beautiful… » he groaned, eyes closed, his hands touching all of her, like if he wanted to remember everything, every inches of her body. He unzipped his pant and introduced his hand into it, to touch is clit through her black underwear.

« oh my god, don't stop it….» she moaned, eyes also closed, arms around Nathan's neck. She spread a bit her legs to let him have a better access and enjoyed what he was giving to her, hile feeling the huge bulge under her, proof that he was very sensible to what was happening. « do you n… »

She couldn't end her sentence because her phone has rang. As a (good) mom, she had kept it near from her and she just had to reach the arm and grab it from the table. And Nathan, who had naughty ideas decided not to stop what he was doing, continuing to massage and stroke gently her clit, wanting her to have an orgasm. He wanted to hear again the littles moans she was doing while sexual act.

« H-hello ? » she replied, looking at Nathan, bitting her lip as much as she could. And it was really hard to resist, the only thing she wanted to was having her orgasm, and let her moans being loud. « yes Bailey…what can..i….do for..you ? »

« Are you okay, Grey ? You seems weird, everything is alright…? » Miranda said from the other side of the call, wondering what the surgeon was doing.

Nathan interiorly laughed when he heard the name of « Bailey », deciding to complicate bit more the things. He pushed Meredith off his lap, and put her on te couch, sliding down her pant and spreading her legs. The cardio surgeon then came closer her clit and started to lick her slowly... introducing a finger into her… Meredith arched her back and bitted more her lips, while listening what Bailey wanted. « Yes chief, everything…is….oh my god! » stifling a moan. « sorry, hmm…few little problems here, tell me what do you need. Is that…about Mrs hilton and…the kidney transplant ? »

« Ok, i don't know what are you doing Grey, and i don't want to know. I'll send you the post op folder with the report i wrote, to complete yours. And tomorrow i expect you to be in my office for the debriefing ok ? » she said, with her chief voice's ton, having her little idea of what she was doing. And she was surprised, because Meredith Grey wasn't exactly the person she would expect to do it, right now. Before yes, now…it was quite different.

« Yes, see you tomorrow, thanks. » she said, with all the efforts of the world.

And when the call got cut, she has liberated a moan loudly in the appartement, feeling Nathan's tongue inside her, with a finger. She closed her eyes, arcing more her back when he slides one more finger into her, moaning more and hanging her hands to the couch like a crazy.

« I…hate..you… » she said, her body shaking. She wasn't sincere, and didn't care about Bailey and what she heard. She didn't care of a lot of things, but of the orgasm she was on the way to have.

He was amused and raised his head. « If you hate me, i can stop… Do you want me to stop ? » he said, with a laugh.

« Please don't. I want you inside. I want to cum, i need to cum. » she said quickly, wanting a lot of things at the same time.

He looked up at her, still amused and his caresses became harder, while his tongue was still licking and playing with her clit. She felt her internals walls shake very hard, and moaned, again…. « god…. »

« yes ? » he said with a smile, happy as never, tasting her and putting down his pants to release his length, that was waiting and so ready for.

« Shut up, fuck me. » she said, spreading her legs like an invitation, he body still recovering from the first orgasm she had. She owed him 2….and she make herself the promise that he would very soon scream her name in all the apartment.

« say i'm the best guy to give you amazing orgasm, and i will fuck you. » he said, raising a brow, putting the tip of his length at the entrance of her pussy, ready to slide in.

« No. »

« Then no cock for you…. » he said with a dragging voice, giving her a wink and putting off the tip of his cock.

Meredith grabbed his arm, looking at him in the eyes, speaking with a voice almost supplicating. « You're the best guy, please, fuck me now! » she said, craving for having him inside her right now…it was more than a real desire, it was a need, a strong need.

She didn't felt that for a very long time ago…and it was kind of worse to realize it. He slided himself into her, as she let a moan escape her mouth. He also let a groan escape, moving slowly to begin, then faster. He wanted her to scream, he wanted her to appreciate it. They were like horny teenagers, fucking on the couch without any regrets, teenagers that couldn't restrains their desire.

« Nathan…..i'm…..i'm done….i'll cum… » she said with a shallow breathing, eyes half opened.

She could feel all the sensations in and outside her body, feeling the warm and strong body of the man above her, feeling all the muscles of his body. She had moved her hand to his balls and took them, massaged them and few seconds after her own orgasm, he had spilled his juice into her, with a loud groan.

« I still hate you. » she said, when her breath got fixed. « I'll be ridiculous tomorrow when i'll meet Bailey. »

He just had smiled to her, stroking her blonde hair, and putting a pretty kiss on her forehead. He was just enjoying the moment, appreciating to have her in his arm, to smell her good perfume, fresh and delicate. Just like her finally….

oOo

Thanks for you support!


	5. Chapter 5

As long as he could remembered, Nathan Riggs had never enjoyed that much the company of a woman. They were only two in his life, Megan and now, Meredith Grey. She was half naked on his couch, only wearing his teeshirt, too big for her, her hair looking kind of messy and her cheeks pink-red, an innocent air on the face. They were eating pizza, like teenagers, talking about life and enjoying as much as they can their date.

« Why did you decided to be a surgeon ? » she finally asked, doing a break after her third slice of pizza, looking at him with brilliants eyes.

He stared at her for few second, thinking about his answers, his glass of wine in a hand. « Humm, because of my love for the human heart. I wanted to do something in relation with. And cardiologue…not enough interest for me. I wanted to touch human hearts, to work with and not only watch him. » he said, and she could heard how passionate he was about his job. « what about you ? »

« Because of my mom. » she replied, quickly.

He frown, watching her and trying to understand what she was meaning. « your mom ? » he repeated.

« Yes ». she said, drinking a bit of tequila. « When your mom is Ellis Grey…you know, you doesn't have the choice. If i had decided to be…i don't know, lawyer or something else, i would be dead actually, i swear. » she said, with a little laugh.

« Do you regret ? » he said, looking her right in the eyes. Nathan had started to think he could be lost in the blue of her eyes, they were so powerful and full of feeling. They could describe all the woman was thinking…

« Absolutely not. I think i'm good now, i have what i've worked hard for and i'm…. » she couldn't finish her sentence because it would be a lie. « i'm good. » she finally said, turning away her look and drinking again.

He didn't say something more, knowing it wasn't necessary. And they didn't know each other enough well to talk about it. But one day, Nathan was confiant. He knew that one day, he would be able to do it and maybe, to fix her broken soul. They had felt asleep on the couch, Meredith laying against Nathan's torso, his arm enrolled around her and his face into his hair. She was smelling so good, he was kind of addicted..

oOo

The next morning, he was staring at her. When she was sleeping, she was kind of soothed, with a tiny little smile on the lips. Her blonde hair was all around her head, like the sunbeams and he couldn't himself of watching them. It was a cellphone that woke her up, her eyes beating several times and a long moan escaping from her mouth.

« What is happening….? » she said, still sleeping, her hand trying to grab the phone on the table. She was trying to stand up and suddenly felt a pain in her back. « i think i'm too old for the nights on the couch…. » she groaned.

« So i'am. » he said, laughing, and getting up, while answering his phone. (yes, it was his). « Riggs ? » he had replied, while going to the kitchen, letting Meredith watch him and appreciate his perfect ass. She was sitting on the couch, making herself a ponytail and put on her bra, then her clothes.

« I have to go…need to bring the kids at school before working. See you there ? » she said at him, while going to the hallway with her bag. He nodded, giving her a little smile. She got out, and closed her eyes while outside, breathing hard.

« What a night…. » she said to herself, while going to her car.

When she came home, her three kids were already wake and each of her sisters were trying to put order. Maggie was holding little Ellis, feeding her with her favorite milk and Amelia was trying to convince Bailey to put on his converses instead of his boots.

« Heyyyy little Shep, for one time there's no rain, you wanna put again boots ? hummmm bad idea, listen your auntie Amelia and put on your converses. And i'll be happy, you wants me to be happy right ? » she said with a smile, trying to coax the little boy to do it.

« Yes. » he timidly say, nodding his head and putting on his converses. Then, after a kiss given by her auntie, he went in the kitchen to have the breakfast Maggie has made. She was holding Ellis against her hip, and was packing Zola's lunch with the other hand. Meredith was watching all of this, thinking that family was a real business.

« Mommy! »

She came out her thoughts when her older kids went running toward her, to hug her, smiling and showing her their little whites teeth. She took Bailey into her arm and kissed Zola's forehead, while walking to the kitchen and kiss Ellis.

« Good morning lovely…. » she said, putting down Bailey. She saluted her sisters and Amelia almost came running, with her cup of coffee in a hand, a devil smirk on the face. And Meredith knew she was about to ask her EVERYTHING about her late night.

« Not now ok ? » she said before Amelia could open her mouth, showing the kids around them. She didn't wanted them to hear all about her private and sexual life.

« Just tell us if it was good and hot ? » Amelia asked, quite curious and still smiling devily, drinking her coffee, still staring at her sister.

Meredith took a cup of coffee and drank it directly, putting it 2 minutes later in the dishwasher. « It was. » she said quickly. «So you're driving Zola and Bailey at school right ? And Alex will take them off at 5 pm. I'll bring Ellis to the daycare. » she continued, while going upstair to take a shower and change herself before work.

« Alright Madam! » Amelia replied, putting lunches in kid's bags. Maggie put Ellis in her park and drank her own coffee. She had to drive to the hospital for a surgery and after that, she had to visit her mom for lunch because Diane was staying a bit at the hospital because of her broken leg. The two sisters had left the house with Zola and Bailey and Meredith left too, 20 minutes after with Ellis by her side.

oOo

« You're late Grey. »

Miranda Bailey was sat on her office chair, her serious look on the face, hands cross on the desk. Meredith Grey had came in the office 10 minutes after the start of the meeting, with her tablet and coffee in the hand, knocking at the door.

« I know, sorry Bailey, i had to bring Ellis at the daycare. » she said as an excuse. She couldn't say she was late because she woke up tardily at Nathan's….

But she almost had forgot Bailey knew and that's why she didn't understood (at first) why the woman was staring at her with a smirk.

« Good night, doctor Grey ? Enough good to be late at work today ? » she say, watching something in her neck. Something Meredith had completely forgot to hide this morning in the bathroom.

« Please can we not talk about it ? » she replied, quite embarrassed. She unlocked her tablet and opened mrs Hilton's files to check out with Bailey.

Bailey nodded, still smiling with this devil look. Meredith was moving on, or was trying to and it was a step to the future. Something she had refused to do after Derek's death. They talked about Mrs Hilton's case and 30 minutes later, Meredith had left the office to go to the general department, to check out the board. And of course, at the corner of a corridor, she saw him, talking to a nurse. Trying to avoid him, she had turned the head but he saw her and had called her name, that made her stop in the middle of the corridor.

« yes ? » she said, while turning to him, and look at his pretty face, smiling. He also had hickeys on the neck, and she couldn't stop herself of staring them for few seconds, like if she was contemplating her masterpiece.

« You forgot something at my place this morning. And i brought it to you. » he said, while sliding a hand in his pocket. He got out of his pocket her black panty, giving it to her while she was quite of blushing. She took it, turning the head and hiding it in her pockets.

« Hummm….thanks ?» she said, after few seconds. « did i forgot something else or that's all ? »

He had pretended to think about it and finally looked down to see her pretty eyes. « Humm i think that's all. But you owe me something. maybe 2… i has lost the counter. »

« And what is it ? » she asked, quite curious, trying to think about something she could owe to him.

He came closer to her and gently stroked her cheek. Then, his lips came closer to her ears and he murmured, very low. « Something very good….something you really enjoyed last night…or in that elevator 2 days ago.. » he said. « Any ideas ? » he asked, with a sensual and pretty voice that made Meredith's heart melt, again..

She nodded, knowing now exactly what he wanted. They were like animals, insatiables and always trying to find the other, to push the other in the darkest places. And she was not insensible to what they were playing to. It was hard because she had never wanted things to go that faster, she wanted to take her time and not to fall again in love with someone. Because after all, she was falling in love with Nathan. She would never admitted it, and never she would, for now. She was juste trying to find herself a reason, trying to think she wasn't cheating on Derek, trying to convince herself she had the right to be happy again. To be happy with a man….

« Of course i know. » she finally said, pushing him away. « But i have work and probably you too…. So we'll see it later. » she said with a little devilish smile. « or maybe not, who knows…? »

She didn't let him time to answer and left. For the first time after Derek's death, she was seeing the positif in life, a ray of sunshine. *it doesn't matter how dark it gets, the sun is gonna rise again.* it was rising again. Meredith had stayed almost all the day in the OR, working as fast as she could, teaching (sometimes) and saving lives as she always wanted to. When she got out the OR, she was kind of tired. Well...she was very tired but had started to think about what Nathan had said to her this morning. He was right. She owed him at least 2 orgasms and to end her day, she had some ideas. That's why she sent him a text, smirking while writing.

 _Meet me in the on-call-room n4, third floor. I owe you something…._

oOo

Sorry for being late, i've been busy theses last days.

Thanks for your kind reviews!


	6. Chapter 6

She had been in his mind all day long, during the surgeries, during the consultations, during the lunch, all day. Nathan was stand in front of the nurses counter, was writing something about his last thoracotomy when he heard his phone buzz in his pocket. The surgeon had took it and when he saw her name, a tiny smile appeared on his lips. And even more when he finished to read the entire text. Yes, she was horny right now.

 _What do you owe me ? I can't recall…._

He had sent the message and put the phone next to him, trying to continue his work, eyes looking the phone, his mind couldn't concentrate. He was kind of obsessed by her, by all she was spreading around her. She was a mysterious woman, with some strange désirs. Sometimes she was « normal » and sometimes she was the most twisty woman he would ever know. And strangely, he liked a lot when she was twisty. She wasn't fluffy like some women could be. She wasn't in a life of unicorn and pink sky. She was in the real life, with grey and dark cloud, with or without sun, with dramas. His phone buzzed again. She was impatient and waiting in the on call room. She had sent to him a short text, and he could almost see the bored look she had.

 _Come and little Riggs will know everything._

He put a point at the end of his sentence, locked up his tablet and had almost ran to the elevator, happy to see she was enjoying something with him, hoping that one day, she would love him and not only the sex he could offer to her. But one thing after another. And for the moment, their horny désirs were telling them what to do, when and how. He entered in the room and saw her, sat on the bed, legs crossed and phone in one hand, the look kind of bored and desperate.

« I waited you for almost 20 minutes. » she said, maybe as a hello (?)

He smiled (again) and had stayed stand up in front of her, watching down and stroking gently her cheek. She perfectly knew how to get a guy to fuck her, she was unique. She raised up her head a bit, bitting her lips, the face in front of his pant…and she already could saw the bulge in his pant. He was already hard, and she didn't said anything.

« and i hate waiting. » she continued. Then, she unbuttoned his pant, and started stroking his bulge. She wanted him to moan…she wanted him to enjoy all she was on the way to do. And he moaned a little when her hand took little Riggs. He was hard, and already big. So big that Meredith couldn't refrain herself to look surprised. « I'm so surprised every time i see how big are you… » she murmured, ready to blow him, her hot breath on the tip of his cock, her lips close to it, ready.

He could see how much she was excited to do it….her cheeks were all red and pink. « I know you like it, right ? » he replied, trying to refrain his moans. He tried harder when she took him in her mouth, but god it was not easy at all. It was so good and she perfectly knew how to do. Her tongue was rubbing the reliefs on his length, slowly…. He had slipped his hand into her blonde hair, guiding her and unintentionally, he had made a thrust of his hip. He had closed eyes, letting Meredith bring him to heaven. Few minutes later, he was very close…

« Oh Grey…you're killing me….. » he said, with quite difficulties.

She raised her head, his cock in her hand, eyes brilliants and a fluffy smile on her lips. She looked like a happy kid, and he couldn't resist to think she was very beautiful, even on her knees, sucking him. « Do you want me to continue ? » she finally said, lips close to little Riggs, ready to finish him. « because i didn't heard you for so long, i need directions. Stop sleeping Riggs. » she said, more serious.

« Seriously ? » he said, quite surprised, opening eyes and looking down at her. She nodded and he smiled a bit, thinking about what he was ready to say. « So….Grey…suck me right there, use your tongue on me….yes like this. » he said, with a low voice, as she executed what he was saying. « Oh yes, on the… »

She was sucking and licking the tip of his cock and he couldn't refrain himself. He spilled all of this juice in her mouth, and she smiled, while swallowing. He helped her to stand up, and they both stayed silent for a moment, watching the other in the eyes, trying to catch their breaths. She finally sat down, watching him. He was still half naked, standing up in front of her, beautiful, sexy, handsome, powerful….hot. They had shared a look and without a word, their lips crashed together, as he pushed her (again) on the bed, removing her top.

oOo

« Where is she, AGAIN? » Amélia asked, while picking up her bag and shoes.

She was in the attending lounge, waiting for Meredith. Owen was there, drinking her coffee and watching Amelia fierce (her surname) talking and being annoyed by her sister's late. God he loved her, even when she was worse than a hurricane. She was like that, she wasn't like Cristina, she wasn't better or worse. She was her and he loved her like this, even if sometimes he wanted to be in peace. Probably like her..Couple struggles.

« Do you know that she's kind of weird ? I mean, theses past few days, she has been really strange, quite quiet, avoiding almost everyone and staying in the OR. She hadn't been like that since…..since Derek's death. And he died long time ago… » she said, putting on her boots.

Amélia always had the capacity of avoiding problem with some positivity (or maybe deny…?). And she quickly could talk about deaths without looking bad. Only the persons like Owen, or Addison could know there was a real pain inside of her mind and body. And for Derek….she had been desperate. But nobody could really see how much she was. And probably still.

« Grey… » he replied, quietly. « She always had been a person that not everybody could understand. Cristina had this capacity, more than anyone else. They were soul sisters, 1 same person in 2 separates body, sharing the same twisty and grey mind. » he continued, quite nostalgic about the time the two of them were walking in the corridor…nostalgic about the past.

« I know… » she said quietly, coming to sit close to him, putting her hand on his, smiling a little. She didn't want him to feel sad about something that happened before. He turned the head, ready to kiss him but the door opened and appeared Meredith Grey, with Maggie.

« Hey! » Maggie said, all fluffy and happy, a big smile on the lips. « Are we ready to go ? » she asked to the 3 others surgeons in the lounge. « Because i'm craving for food and sleep, i swear this day had been totally crazy guys! »

« Oh yes ? » Meredith asked, innocently, while walking to her locker to take her bag and quickly change herself.

She took her stuff and locked herself in the bathroom, hanging out 5 minutes later, her striped sweater on, her blonde hair kind of messy. Maggie had started to resume her day to Amelia and Owen, and when Meredith showed up, they all walked out to go on the parking and come back home. Close to her car, Amélia stopped, hand by hand with Owen, a very little (and shy….?) smile on the face.

« Lets go guys, i'm not coming home tonight. » she said, with a perverse look, looking at her sisters.

Maggie raised a bit the eyes but finally smiled, trying to hide the fact she was envious. Yes…she needed to get laid, she wanted some love, she wanted some sex and apparently, both of her sisters didn't have this problem. They had left after a quick goodbye to the couple, and Meredith had drove back home. They both were exhausted and wanted to eat and sleep. Thanks god Alex picked up the kids at school and had gave them dinner. He had told meredith at lunch he didn't have any plans for the night so…he would be happy to spend more time with his favorites kids. Maggie was already in the house when her phone buzzed in her bag. The surgeon stayed under the porch, searching for it to read the message. It was him. He heart started to beat faster when she opened the message.

 _Come and let us live my Deare,_

 _Let us love and never feare,_

Her heart almost stopped when she realized it was a poem. A famous poem. And theses lines, they were so true. She was still scared and he knew it, he saw it, even after all they sexually did. But the struggle and the fear was the same, how could she let him go ? How could she be happy with someone else when she was officially still married to him ? She wanted to answer, but couldn't. Not now…after…when she'll be alone in her bedroom, laying on the bed, ready to sleep and ready to stop thinking about too much things at time.

oOo

Thanks you a lot for the reviews, they makes me so happy


	7. Chapter 7

_Then let amorous kisses dwell_

 _On our lips, begin and tell_

She should have been said that to Derek. The love of her life. The man who had changed her. God, she had loved him like she had hated him sometimes. They were like soul that couldn't be separated, even when they were mad at each other, even during their breaks, even during the worst parts of their lives. But that's why he was the love of her life. And he was gone. And she still had difficulties to admit it, even if she was trying really hard to turn the page.

In a sense, she had turned the page. Having sex with Nathan was a step forward, and she was proud. Even if it wasn't an exploit. And the best (or the worse) ? She enjoyed it as never. Even if she still wasn't ready to fully open her heart to Nathan, and let the feelings go outside. She had took a long time to say « i love you' to Derek so…. She was in her room, alone, laying on the bed, kids in their own beds. She was texting him, or answering him but she couldn't let herself touch the « send ». She exactly knew this poem, but it didn't made sense to her, she couldn't answer that. She finally decided to sleep, erasing all and putting the phone next to her.

oOo

She woke up roughly, thinking she was late but she wasn't. It was 6 am and even Ellis was not wake up. Meredith let her head fall into the pillow and closed her eyes for few minutes. She had slept for few hours but still not an entire night, because of he thoughts, because of her mind that was really busy and preoccupied, as always. She decided to go out, to take a shower and to drink a long and black coffee to wake up, and to be ready to work, because today was a big day. Saturday, day of accidents on the road, day of full emergencies… so no time to chill or take a coffee with friends or colleagues. 1h30 after, she had left home with Zola and Bailey, left them at school and drove to the Grey Sloan, quite zen.

She parked her car and when she entered in the hospital, she saw Amelia and Owen, still hand by hand, in front of her, talking over a coffee in the hallway. Meredith walked directly toward the elevator and entered in, letting the door close themselves. She changed herself with her surgeon clothes and took up her tablet to begin the day and see which intern was with her, which surgeries she had and how many. She was really concentrated that she didn't heard him come close to her and almost jumped when he talked.

« Good morning doctor Grey. How are you today ? » he said with a big smile on his lips, one hand in the pocket, the other holding the tablet, his cap on the head. He was (seemed to be) off a surgery and based on his smile, this surgery went very well.

« We're gonna say good. I'm not asking you, you seems to be in a very good mood. » she replied, drinking a bit of the coffee she brought in her thermos. She was still sleepy, more than anything and she had drank more than 3 cups of coffee. She had always wondered how he was doing to be that happy, everyday, every hours, all weeks….

« It could be just an exterior apparence… who knows ? » he said, with a wink. « Although, you haven't answered my text yesterday. You dont know this poem ? » he said, with a fake innocently air. He perfectly knew theses 2 lines had perturbed her a lot.

« I slept early.. » she lied, without looking at him. « I was tired…our last sexual time exhausted me. Oh. I wanted to ask you something. Are you clean ? » she asked, finally looking at him in the eyes.

He laughed when he heard the question she was asking. It was true they weren't the bests in question of protection. They had sex few times together and without condoms. He looked at her, posing a hand on her chin. « I've been tested 6 months ago, and you're the first woman i'm sleeping with since 6 months. » he replied, totally honest.

Meredith opened her mouth a bit, ready to say something and realizing after she was like him, She didn't slept with someone since a long time, more time than him. More than 1 year. She had been a virgin. She nodded and unconsciously, came closer to him. She smelled his viril and delicate male perfume….it was so soft and delicious, and it reminded her a lot of good memories from their sexual moments. « Ok..so i am » she said, simply, doing a step back but he grabbed her wrist. He looked down, then raised her eyes and saw the look in his eyes. He was on the way to say something when Amelia arrived close to them, a big smile on the lips, Edward by her side.

« HEY! What are you both waiting, in the middle of this corridor ? » she asked, looking at them.

« We're working, just like you ? » Mer replied, quickly. « I thought you had an early surgery, what happened ? »

She didn't' wanted Edwards to know everything. Because it was really easy to spread rumors in that hospital. And everybody knew (especially her) that the interns were really talkative. They were standing in the middle o the corridor, watching the other in silence. Edwards had made a step back, but she couldn't ignore the hickeys in the necks of the two surgeons. And Amelia followed the look, to see the same thing.

« Humm cancelled because this fool ate in secret a burger and french fries. » she answered, quite bored. « Wow…..seems like someone enjoyed the night. Or the previous night… » she murmured with more enthusiasm, looking at mer with a perverse look. « Yes, I'm gonna go see elsewhere if i am…i know, bye! » she said, seeing the black look Mer was giving to her.

The neuro duo left, laughing a bit, letting them in that corridor. They had left for 2 minutes when Maggie had appeared, with her mom, who was walking with crutches. She was still smiling, like her leg wasn't broke, like if everything was beautiful, with all the positivity of the world. And when she saw them both, if it was possible, she smiled more.

« Meredith beautiful! » she said, saluting them. « How are you ? » she asked, coming close to them, observing Nathan. The same conclusion came to her mind, he was handsome. He saluted her too, keeping silence and letting her talk. Maggie also came , trying to contain her mom's energy.

« Good morning Mrs Pierce, i'm good thank you, what about you ? You seems to be better than the other day when i saw you at the emergencies. » Mer replied, with her tiny fake smile, trying to look as positive as she could. She didn't want to perturb Diane's happiness with her not-happy and troubled face. As always, that's why she was pretending to be good, even if everyone knew it was wrong.

« Yes everything it's good and even more now that i can walk! » she said with enthusiasm, really happy and watching her daughter with a sweet and kind look. « Oh my god, sorry i can't contain myself but, you're really a cute couple, you seems to be happy! » she said, talking about her couple with Nathan.

Both looked at each other, then Maggie and stayed quiet, the situation was quite of awkward. It took few seconds to Meredith to answer and she didn't had time to explain. « Oh we're n…. »

« Mama! Stop, you're embarrassing them! » Maggie cut her, looking her mom with big eyes. She murmured to her ears something that was like : they're not in couple… And immediately Diane lost her smile and apologized as much as she could, really sorry.

« It's nothing Mrs Pierce. » mer replied with a smile. She then looked her 2 colleagues and made a way to the elevator. « i have to go, see you later.» They let her go and once her shadow was away from them, Nathan had turned himself to Diane and said with a little wink, his voice malicious.

« I hope that one day what you said would be real..! »

She looked up at him and her hand grabbed his strong arm. « When a man look at a woman like you look at her, believe me, something will happen. And mostly, this is a really good thing that will happened to you both. » she said with a truly smile. « Don't stop believing and hoping, and you'll gain her heart. » She gave him a malicious wink and Maggie cut them, because it was time to go back to the room and take her pills.

Even if she was sort of happy for her sister, she still was a bit amer about Nathan, because he also could be with her but she could see it today, his heart was beating for Meredith's, not for her's. It was sad but it's was also life and she couldn't stop the destin and the feelings. It was something strong, even if Meredith was too afraid to admit it. She could understands her, why she wanted to take time, why their « relation » was a step forward and two steps back. « i'll do my best Mrs Pierce. » he replied, nodding the head and letting them go, walking to the elevator where Mer disappeared.

He had a surgery in 20 minutes and needed some time to refresh himself before the long hours he'll pass operating. He stopped by the men's bathrooms and washed his hand after a quick pee, finally looking himself in the mirror and trying to build a good and strong sentence. Nathan had Diane's words in mind, in boucle, and he couldn't forget any words.

« i want something with you. » he murmured, like if he was talking to her.

Nathan seemed to be an open minded guy, and he was, but it wasn't easy at all to speak to a woman like Meredith and tell her he was totally addict to her. He was ready to date someone else after Megan and he could easily understand she was not ready to open her heart for him, even if she was sending contrary signals. The cardio surgeon went out and made his way to the OR corridor, walking fast and putting on his surgical blouse. And when he got out few hours later, quite tired but happy that his patient survived, he saw that message.

 _We'll lose our selves in wild delight_

 _While our joyes so multiply_

He smiled when he recognized a part of the poem he had sent her yesterday, and a bit more when he saw the second part of the text she wrote. _We have to talk._ She had made a step forward for him, she wanted to turn the page, she wanted to be happy and she was opening a bit her heart. Things were finally moving, slowly, but moving. Things weren't that bad, finally….

oOo

Thanks for your support guys!


	8. Chapter 8

She was sat at the cafeteria, watching nothing important, just the wall in front of her. She was lost in her thoughts, she was quite absent. Her body was there, but not her mind. She thought about the past few years, when she was here, as an intern/résident, with Cristina, Alex, Georges, Jackson, Lexie by her side. Her soulmate had left for Switzerland, her kid sister was dead, just like Georges and Derek. Izzie was gone, somewhere in the united states, hiding and not giving news. They were the survivors, Alex and her. And Jackson, even if he came later, when they were residents.

But Alex…since the beginning until the end, probably. They had lived a lot of experiences together, bad or good, they got through a lot of things, but at the end…he was her person. She had asked him to be when Cristina left, it was kind of hard at the beginning and then, he started to be a good one for, just like she was for him. She watched down to see her coffee into her hand, trying to see the future (maybe) in the black drink. Black….just like her life. Oh maybe not, like her life until the day she've met this handsome guy, called Nathan Riggs.

He was so different from Derek, he was not the guy she would date first, but he was him and she had learned to like him as she loved Derek. She wasn't believing to the fairytale, but to a new chapter..? yes she was. She had sent him à text to say she was at the cafeteria, so they could talk there. She wasn't nervous, no like the past days, she was just…scared. Scared to have him in front of her to talk. Talking…that wasn't a thing they used to do. They used to jump on each other, to take off clothes and have sex like animals. She had forgot how to talk, how to start a relation ship with someone. Derek was the one who was dating her and she refused all, or almost all. Nathan was dating her…but it wasn't the same thing. And not because she was older, she was just feeling something else. Not something worse than the first time no, just different.

He appeared and walked to the table, sitting next to her, a little smile on his face, which made Mer's melt a bit, because this smile was so true and fully sincere. This smile was beautiful and she could read a lot of what he was feeling, just at looking him watched him, but stayed quiet for a while, like if the words couldn't go out her throat.

« You say we needed to talk ? » he started, to help her, seeing she as troubled and quiet embarrassed. He wanted to help her, he wanted something else than sex between them two. Because he wasn't interested in her just physically, he was also mentally. He wanted to know more about her. He wanted to be her guy, he wanted her to be his lady…

She almost woke up, watching him and winking. « oh yes, we have to talk… » she said. « I….you said you wanted something with me. You're not talking about sex only right ? Why ? »

He stared at her, staying quiet for few seconds and trying to search his words. It wasn't that easy to say how much he had fall in love with her. How much he was so interested in her. « Not about sex only. » he replied. « I want to know you Meredith, i want a lot of things and i'm sure you'll like me when you'll know me better. And i'm not talking about knowing my penis.*

He knew she could answers, « oh i know you, i perfectly know little Riggs », so he cut the sentence before she could say anything. She was starring at him, listening. She was concentrated on what he was saying to her. He couldn't know what she was thinking. The general surgeon opened a bit her mouth, but same, nothing went out her throat. She felt quite stupid, like if she was again this fluffy and young woman who started her residency few years ago.

« Why do you think i'll like you ? » she finally asked, making him a bit surprised, even if at the end, he wasn't expecting something else from her. A typical question by the great Meredith Grey.

« Because i'm a cool guy, who love surgery, beautiful blondes, and coffee. And i'm fun, and i know you need to laugh a bit. I want to see this smile back on your face. » he said, with a kind voice, raising his hand to gently stroke her cheek.

She looked down, to see his hand, closing her eyes few seconds and opening them. « Which smile ? » looking at him, trying to remember the last time she had smiled in front of him, or near him. But obviously, she couldn't remember.

« The first time i saw you, you were with Karev and Pierce, laughing with them? probably something told by Karev, you were looking at him with this look bored and amused. » he said, raising an eyebrow.

« And you looked perfectly happy. » he said in a murmur.

« How can you remember that time ? » she asked, quite surprised he could remember something like this, something she had forgot because it was casual and not important for her. She made herself the reflexion he was also examining all (or almost all) what she was doing. He smiled to her, softly, scraping a bit his throat and talking then.*

« Because i'm like this. »

He only said that, still looking at her. She wanted to fight, to resist to his incredible charm but she couldn't. Taken by a powerful feeling, her lips almost crashed on his. And he wasn't surprised, he answered, his hands stroking her hair, eyes closed. This kiss was passionate, fiery, hot and sensual. He thrust his tongue inside her mouth, and started to play with hers, to dance with.. They were in the middle of the cafeteria but it didn't matter. They were together, and they wanted each others, they were like two broken souls and they need to be fixed. Nothing was better for them to find a similar person.

oOo

« How is she ? And why did you called me ? »

Cristina Yang's face was on the screen of the ipad. Alex was in front, with Jackson, both eating a salad, trying to get a little bit break between 2 surgeries. The cardio surgeon looked bored, as always, but both the guy knew it was just a facade. Because she was also preoccupied about Mer, just like all of them. But it was Cristina, she wasn't the person who liked to show her feelings.

« She is off the OR, and i called you because i missed your beautiful voice honey. » he said with sarcasm, giving her a virtual kiss, while watching her with devilish look.

Next to him, Jackson was laughing, eating his dinner quite amused, and tired. Cristina gave him a fuck sign and raised her eyes, shaking her head and groaning something like « you'll never stop to be a fool right….? ». Even if they were in two difference countries, her and Meredith always tried to do at least 2 FaceTime per months. Since Derek's death, they were talked more. They were like the young residents, talking about all and nothing. They were full back as the dark and twisted sisters.

« Enough bad jokes Karev. » she said. « Where is she ? Is she with this guy ? Crap i can't remember his name, he wasn't on google search. is he a good cardio surgeon ? She never told me and i can't check on internet. » she said, quite bored.

« She probably is. because they're both off and no one can tell where they're… » Jackson said, cutting Cristina in her delirium. « and yes, he is. » Alex checked on his phone but there was no text from her, so he supposed she was fine. She would send a text if it wasn't. Or maybe no…she had been and was very weird theses past days.

« Have you checked the on call room ? » Cristina asked, looking at them, drinking her coffee. It was the morning in Zurich, and the night here in Seattle. She would never admit it but it felt good to be back, reunited. Meredith missed this one but she would be here for the next call, that's what Alex was hoping.

« Of course, the first place we checked! » Alex replied, obviously. « She is not. I suppose she wants to be in peace so we ll just expect her to appear again here, like an angel.* he said, with a bit of irony.

« A twisted and dark angel. » Jackson has rectified. « It would be more real. »

« Shut up and eat ok ? » Cristina said. More seriously, she looked at Alex. « He was the love of her life, he was McDreamy, she can't forget it all and that quickly. She needed time and i know she is not that ready, even if she say she is. Keep a look on her and do not force me to come back in Seattle for someone's funerals. I have to work, bye loosers.»

Coming back for Derek's funeral had been quite awful, like the day Burke had left her in the church, with all the guest, in her bride dress. It was heavy and she didn't want to live that again, just like Meredith. They had suffered too much in their lives. She ended the call, letting the guys in front of the iPad, moaning, tired. Both of them shared a look, Cristina would and will never change. Never.*

oOo

« So Doctor Grey, would you accept a dinner with me? Tomorrow night, 9 pm, in the best restaurant in Seattle, just you and me ? No sex first, a real date and some wine. » he asked, softly.

They were still in the cafeteria, with their cold coffee on the table. Almost all the people had left the place, and they were alone. They were sharing the same feeling, they were talking without being embarrassed, they were discovering a bit each others. Just like normal people were normally doing, before sleeping looked at him and answered with a little but real smile.

« Yes, i accept your date Doctor Riggs. »


	9. Chapter 9

« So, why are we here ? »

Instead of going directly to the restaurant, Nathan had brought her to the Alaskan Way, a long oceanfront avenue. They were walking quite slowly, watching the sunset and the ferryboats. She couldn't help but thought about Derek and his unconditional love for the ferryboats. But she quickly stopped herself and looked at Nathan, who was close to her. And she could feel his hot breath, and his good perfume. She was wearing her favorite trench coat, and heels, things she almost lost the use to wear, because of her full time job.

« Because i thought we could use to walk a bit before heading to the restaurant. » he replied, smiling. « Not a good idea for you ? » he asked, looking at her with intensity. She didn't blushed, and looked him in the eyes, a very shy smile on the lips.

« No, it's a very good idea. I like the fact we can be normal people. Don't you ? »

« Oh yes sure…But it doesn't change the fact i have great ideas for tonight, post dinner, when i'll bring you back, quite drunk at home. Where i'll show you how much you could use to like me. » he winked.

She froze, still walking. Then she laughed a bit and raised her eyes on his face. « I thought it was a real date without sex ? We used to have sex before the date and i'm not sure it was a great idea. » She looked thoughtful. And after few minutes of reflexion, she asked, quite amused and curious. « How much ? »

« You'll see. Tonight or another day. We work in a very big hospital with a lof of on call room. I'n not worried. » he said, smiling. He suddenly thought he could hold her hand, but will she accept ? He wasn't sur and she looked down at the same moment, like if she had understood what he wanted to do.

« What are you waiting ? I'll not eat you, even if sometimes i can give the impression. » she said, quite amused, and laughing at him.

Yes, she really could give (sometimes for her) and almost always for the others, the impression she was ready to eat and kill everyone. Medusa, she had built her reputation, just like Bailey did and she was kind of proud. She wasn't the attending all fluffy and kind with everyone. Even kepner wasn't. She had been but the army had changed her, in positive…*

« Oh i'm just waiting for you to open your heart to me. » he murmured, finally holding her hand.

« What have you just said ? »

She froze when she heard what he said. He wanted her to open her heart, not a easy thing. Because she was nervous and even if she trusted him. She knew he was a good guy, even if Owen was telling he wasn't. She could see in his eyes he was, just like she saw it in Derek's eyes. And at least, Nathan wasn't married, it would be easier.

« Nothing important. One day you'll know everything. » he said, with a little smile, stroking her hand with his thumb.

They were still walking near the sea, feeling the little wind on their skin, the fresh air on their faces and humming the scent of the sea…that particular scent. « You heard me the last time right ? In that elevator. » she asked, already knowing the answer.

He nodded with a little smile and stop himself just in front of her, putting his finger on her lip, anticipating what she was going to do. She would talk and ask him what the hell he was doing. But she couldn't and stayed quiet, looking at him in the eyes. Nathan just came closer of her, and slowly, he kissed her, a hand on the back of her head, his hot and soft lips kissing her. He thrusted his tong inside her mouth to find his partner, to play with mer's, to dance with… She didn't have any ideas of the time they passed like this, outside, in this public area, kissing like young couple. And even if it wasn't something she was familiar with, she enjoyed. He had broken the kiss after few longs seconds, looking at her, still no talking.

« You hungry finally ? Or you still wanna walk ? » he asked, with a smile that she understood. They wanted the same thing. She nodded and they went to the restaurant.

oOo

« I like this kind of date. Easy, nice…with you. »

They were back at his apartment finally. She tried to tell him she wanted to get back home but of course, she was still trying to resist and she couldn't. Because her body and mind wanted to go at Nathan's. They wanted to be together, and not just for sex. Something was happening and Meredith couldn't deny it more time. She was standing in front of the closed door, bitting her lip and trying to look something else than his perfect face.

« Hummm »

« Yeah ? »

He saw her trouble and smiled even more, looking at her, crossing the arms on his chest. He perfectly knew what she was thinking about. Them both, naked, enjoying sex like crazy, like all the others time they had together. Pure heaven. But she was too proud to say she was addicted to him. Too proud to say she couldn't help it and think about their pleasure sessions.

« Nothing. I'm just thinking… »

He stayed where he was. He wanted her to move first. Because she was craving for something and he was also. But she needed to do this step first, it would help her to turn the page she difficulties to turn. He smirked when he heard the « i'm just thinking » and as he laughed, she blushed a bit. Slowly, she took off her jacket, still looking at him. Then she made the steps and stopped just in front of him.

« Pants off doc. » she said, super serious. He just had time to understand and saw her fall on her knees, her pretty face just in front of his growing bulge.

« What are you doing ? » It wasn't a real question, of course he knew what she was ready to do. But he wanted her to say it, he wanted to see the excitation in her eyes when she would talk.

She raised her eyes on him and said, with a sensual and direct voice. « I'm gonna blow you. Don't you want me to ? »

« Have you ever heard a man say: no thanks you, i don't want to be sucked, i don't need to…? » he was laughing, and at the same time he was talking, he unzipped his pant to let it drop with the underwear, letting his cock out, ready for the beautiful blonde. Mer smiled when she heard his answer and put a kiss on the tip of his dick, licking the length before putting Little Riggs in her mouth. She made regular movements, her hand at the base of the dick, trying to do her best to give Nathan the most powerful feelings. She really wanted him to appreciate that blowjob.

« God, please don't stop. » he groaned, eyes closed.

She was so sexy when she was doing that. He could see her from the top and she looked so hot, so beautiful, he wanted to touch her, all her body. He wanted do so much things with her, and not just sex. Megan was gone, just like Derek and they both needed the next. They needed love and they had found in each other the person that could help them. Life was just a bit difficult but it was the real and nice (sometimes) part. It wasn't all easy, and both liked challenges. Back at the blowjob, Mer was still sucking him with interest, her hand stroking little Riggs just when her mouth was off. He didn't wanted to cum into her mouth so that's why he made a step back, knowing he would not retain himself for too long. Grabbing Mer's arm, he got her up and pushed her to the couch, when they sat together. He cupped her breasts with a hand, before kissing and stroking the nipples. She let a loan escaped from her mouth, head back and eyes closed.

« This is…so good. I want you inside..please. » she almost begged.

« Tell me where, and i'll obey. »

They were playing. And it was very good.

She gave him a look, took his hand to put it on her clit, where she wanted him. Nathan nodded, still looking at her, slowly sliding a finger inside her, quickly followed by a second one.

« Just right here ? » he asked again, with a smile.

« Oh yes, just right here. Now…! »

She had just finished the sentence that she could felt his hard member inside her. He was really huge and she could feel every sensations, every inches of Riggs Junior, every movements he was doing. Bitting her lip, she tried to keep quiet for more than 30 seconds. « Damn….you feel so good. »

« You same… » he groaned, thrusting more of him inside her, his hand still on her boobs. The rhythm wasn't slow, but it wasn't harder at the maximum.

And Meredith wanted to rectify it, just like him.

« Fuck me….harder please. Yes, h-harder… »

They kissed and he groaned against her lips, doing his best, going faster and deeper in her. She gasped even more, because it was amazing how he could felt pounding relentlessly into her. Meredith grabbed his back, almost scratching him. But he didn't care.

« I'll c-cum… » she said, with a quick breath, trying to open the eyes. « very c-close, god.. »

It was the same for him, he could felt his release come very fast. His balls were so full and hot, they were ready to let out all of his juice come to meet Mer's body. Few seconds later, she felt her body shake and he felt her interiors wall shrink around his cock. Mer opened her eyes and felt him empty into her, trying to catch her breath.

« Wow »

« Right ? » he said, quite amused. « Wow is the perfect word. », Nathan murmured at her hear, while collapsing against her shoulder before falling beside her.

They stayed quiet fr a while, and Mer finally cut the silence.

« You told me it was a date with good wine, a beautiful view, delicious food and good atmosphere. » she said first.

« But you also told me it was a date without sex…. i think we have to work this point. » she giggled.

As an automat, she softly stroked his chest with her hand, making invisibles circles, her fingers touching the strong abdominaux he has. He twirled her blonde hair around his finger while answering. He liked how her hair could change of color. Sometimes she looked darker, sometimes brighter, always different but it was nice. Meredith was the type of woman that could have every color of hair without being ugly.

« Do you want us to work this point ? Because you seemed to enjoy…minutes ago. » he replied, laughing a bit, remembering her moans. Oh yes, she didn't wanted to work the point « we can have date without sex ».

« Just try. » she said, just for acquired conscientiousness. « And we'll see after…. »

She was tired, the day had been very long and the night…the night was not ready to end. They both wanted to enjoy their time together, away from the hospital, the surgeries, mer's sisters, Owen, the nurses…. He kissed her neck, slowly descending to her back, where he kissed her more, sucking her soft skin, letting some hickeys right there.

« Are we…together….? » he asked, almost timidly, after few minutes of silence and kissing round.

And for the first time since a year, she didn't hesitated. She wanted to be happy. « We could used to be… »

oOo

The next day, he woke up before her. He had hold her during the night to his king size bed in the room next to the living room, because they weren't able to pass another night on the couch. She was asleep, her blonde hair all around her face, like an angel. And he was on the side, looking at her, thinking that his fantasy was finally happening. More than his fantasy because he had more than he could ever imagined. She was there and yesterday, even if she didn't said « yes » or « no », she admitted they could be a couple.

« You're driving me crazy Grey… »

He murmured, saying it to himself. He really was crazy for her. And before he could realize, he felt his hard member between his legs. A bulldog grower through his underwear and he could only see it and constat how much she had power on him. And she was asleep…. « Really crazy… »

He tried to hide it with the duvet, and put his attention to the wall in front of him. But it wasn't a success and his bulge grower more. Mer's presence was to strong to resist and he couldn't do anything. So he decided to go to the bathroom to finish the job, even if alone it wasn't really fun. Nathan was almost out the bed when he felt two hand on his back, and around his torso. Quickly followed by a sleepy voice.

« Why are you leaving…this is too soon.. » mer said, looking at her phone.

And thanks to their internal clocks, they couldn't sleep more. Nathan just turned his head, still trying to hide his hard member, smiling. But nothing could escaped to mer's view and she quickly felt his hardness.

« You're having fun without me ? » she asked, almost innocently.

« Maybe. »

She winced. « oh yeah ? »

He didn't answered and kissed her deeply, before slipping over her. Nathan started to touch her body, to cup her bare breast and to kiss them. She moaned and slipped a hand into his underwear, grabbing his length to stroke it. He was really hard, as she was really wet.

« So you thought about me ? » she asked, still stroking him, letting sometimes some moans escape from her mouth. And even more when he slipped into her panty to slide a finger inside her.

« Always. since the first time and the first day. »

His accent was perfect. He was always making mer's heart melt. It was different of the american one and she was obliged to admit the New Zealand one was hot, just like her McKiwi. She smiled when she heard what he had just said, moaning again and again. He was at the same level, grinning and moaning after he strokes, especially when she was on the tip of his dick.

« Fuck me. » she said.

"Asked that politely… » he laughed, while removing his finger and positioning himself at the entry of her.

« Please Nathan, fuck me. »

« This is better. » he replied, while sliding inside her, and staying motionless for few seconds, just to enjoy the sensation of their two bodies together.

After that moment, he started to thrust his hips inside of her, his hand stroking her clit. She grabbed his back, eyes closed, moaning loudly.

« Oh yes, just like this….F-fuck me h-harder please »

« Yes baby, as you want. » he said, going faster and harder, even more he was firstly doing.

He groaned, still stroking her clit. And they were cut by Mer's phone. Two times, three times..

« H-hello ? » she replied, trying not to moan, but it was really hard.

« I hope you have a really good excuse! » Amelia almost yelled by the phone. « Because the attending meeting started since 30 minutes and we're still waiting you. And Maggie couldn't come so we're also waiting Riggs. So hurry up and COME HERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN! » She didn't let Mer the time to answer and cut the call. Mer let a loud and long moan escape, and sighed.

« I….we…have to…god cum! »

« I knew it….cumming for me is better than any meeting… » he murmured to her hear, giving the last thrusts.

Few seconds later, he spilled everything inside of her, and they both let a moan escape, at almost the same time. He stayed over her, and after a quick kiss, they were back to the reality.

« We have to go so ? » he asked, quite amused.

« Yes. » she said, amused and not amused. « We're late, late because of sex. So…we have to go.. move! »

And she pushed him on the side, escaping from the bed, all naked and laughing through the appartement, going to the bathroom.

« Yes Madam…! »

oOo

Sorry, i've been really busy theses past days, with my job and the preparation of university. But i'm back and i'll upload this story as fast as i can.

Thanks for your reviews :-)


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